It’s been a week since the bombing at the Boston Marathon.  All of the Cincinnati running stores organized a local run for Boston.  My friend Lori and I joined a group at The Running Spot in Newport for a 2.62 mile jog this evening.  It was the perfect sunny night for a run.

The Running Spot posted something on their Facebook page today that I found interesting.  It was a letter written by Collin Peddie, the owner of the running store that was right by where the first bomb went off.  He went for a run after the bombing and tried to fight tears as he ran.  He couldn’t.  He was trying to figure out if he was running away from something, or towards something.  He decided it was neither.  He said he was living in the moment and couldn’t get away from what had happened.

I think running does all three for me.  Sometimes it’s an escape.  A way to run from my stress for a little while.  A place to free my mind.  I’ve cried on runs, especially when my grandma was sick.  Running is not only my happy place.  Sometimes it’s a place of peace or place I go to reflect.  Sometimes I just want to run and not think.  I can relax my mind as my legs carry me through the miles.

Sometimes I feel like I’m running towards my goals.  I’m running to be healthier or to relieve stress.  Sometimes I run for my sanity.  When I’m feeling like life is crazy, running puts me in a better place or mood.

There are those times where you just can’t escape life.  Running can’t fix it all.  I never regret a run though.  It was a pleasure to run tonight for those that were injured.  As long as my body will let me, I will never stop running.

Beautiful right?

I didn’t lose anything but as a runner I’m sad. As an American, I’m sad. I’m heartbroken for those involved. I’m inspired by those who rushed to help. I’ve heard stories of doctors who had just finished running 26.2 miles and then rushed to the scene to help victims. There are so many hero’s who helped those in need.

I was talking to my mom today about it. I told her that I hope this doesn’t keep spectators away from events like marathons. Spectators help you survive a marathon or half marathon. Without people cheering you on, it would be a long, lonely race.

I ran my first half marathon last spring, The Flying Pig. The spectators were amazing. One of my favorite parts of the race was running up 5th street downtown. There was a wall of people on each side of the street. It was an amazing feeling. The whole route was full of people there to cheer on the runners.

My mom always cheers me on at my races. At the flying pig last spring she was waiting for me at the finish line of the race with a sign and a tiara. Yesterday I thought of how much it means to me that she was there to watch me finish the race. I felt for the families who lost their loved ones at what is usually such a happy event and an amazing experience.

Some people train their whole lives to run Boston. I would love to one day but I know I will probably never be fast enough. I’m a slow runner.

I am haunted by the image of the man being wheeled away from the scene who had lost both of his legs. All of the images are heartbreaking.

This horrific event makes me want to get back to being able to run races. I just finished physical therapy for my lower back pain. I’m easing back into running. I’m eager to get my race legs back, now so more than ever. I’m a runner. I want to run for those injured. I want to run for those who now can’t.

I sit here writing this with the news on, hoping they find out who did this. My prayers are with the victims, first responders, bomb sniffing dogs, doctors, and everyone who offered help yesterday.

The coward or cowards who did this are thieves. They stole an amazing experience from so many people. They took lives. They ruined lives. They didn’t take my love for running. I will be at The Flying Pig marathon in a few weeks to cheer on my friends and coworkers.

Chop Chop

I donated ten inches of hair to Locks of Love today.  Until four years ago, I kept my hair short and blonde.  I’ve been on quite a journey the past four years and my hair was not my priority.  It had gotten a bit unruly and needed to be tamed.

Three of my favorite people!

This is what my hair typically looked like from my early twenties until I was twenty-seven.  I was pregnant in this picture.  I just didn’t know it yet.  A few days after the above picture was taken I found out I was pregnant.  Fifteen days later I had a miscarriage.

I took two weeks off work to physically heal.  Emotional healing took MUUUUCH longer!  I had to get out of my house but go somewhere I wouldn’t run into any pregnant women or babies.  I thought going to get my hair cut would be a good idea.  My stylist comes out and what did I see?  A pregnant belly.

We made small talk until she asked me what I did for New Year’s Eve.  I had my miscarriage on December 30th, 2008.  I didn’t know If I should say anything but I did and we sat there in awkward silence.  She finished my haircut and I walked out of Mitchells, sat down in my car and lost it.  I ugly cried right there in the parking lot.

A couple of months later I decided to color my hair darker and I didn’t want to see my hairdressers even bigger belly so I scheduled the appointment with a new girl.  She was great but after she cut my hair a few times I found out she quit to do make-up so I was again without a hairdresser.  Oh, the horror!

A few months after I had my miscarriage, my grandma was diagnosed with a brain tumor.  Everyone that knows me knows how much I love her and that watching her battle brain cancer was the worst experience of my life.

By the end of 2009 I was emotionally healed from my loss but my families lives revolved round chemotherapy and that bitch of a word cancer.

In 2010 that place I helped make succesful did me a favor and laid off all of the management staff.  Financially it wasn’t fun but I needed the push because I stayed way too long because I loved what I had built.  I am much happier now.

2011 was the worst.  That’s when my grandma’s battle got hard.  That’s when we realized we were going to lose her.

The beginning of 2012 was even harder than the last few years.  Spa days were the last thing on my mind.  I still miss my granny so much.

I looked at myself in the mirror recently and thought “Holy freaking moly!  Where did those bags under my eyes come from? Oh, yeah, life!”

Through all the chaos my hair kept growing and was out of control.  I’ve got goals and plans for 2013 and it was time to shed the hair.  It had been with me through a lot, but it’s just hair.  Now Locks of Love will turn it into a wig for a child with cancer.

As Bailey, the hairdresser at Mitchells was cutting my hair, I got a good look at my face in the mirror.  I look tired.  I still look good!  I just look good and tired.

There are many ways to heal.  Shedding my hair is just a small way to get started.  There are some things we never fully recover from.  Life is an accumulation of  experiences.

Thanks for reading my long-winded post.  I needed to purge some emotions along with my hair.

Mr. Miyagi says it’s time for bed!

I haven’t written a blog post since early June.  It’s been a hard summer of missing my grandma and watching my mom miss her mother.  Our life for the past three years was watching her battle a brain tumor.  I would give anything to hear her voice.  You never feel you said enough or did enough when you lose a loved one.  In the end the tumor took her brain long before it took her body.

I haven’t felt like sitting in front of my computer and writing over the past few months.  I’ve written some good blog posts and sometimes I’ve posted my ramblings.  That’s life.  Some days are meaningful and other days are just days.  Sometimes I read over my posts and it’s great to remember certain days and meaningful posts that I’ve written.  Sometimes I read them and think, “Oh geez, who cares what you ate today”!  Ha.  It’s me though.  It’s real and sometimes it’s raw and I’m not embarrassed about what I’ve written.  Writing can be cathartic for me.

Life is made up of inspired days, sad days, great days and boring days.  I write when I have something to say.  I wasn’t sure if I was going to continue with this blog but it’s helped me vent and heal.  I’ve noticed people keep checking back to see if I’ve written anything.  Thank you for that by the way.  I write for me though, and hope that someone enjoys it or gets something from it.

“That’s all I have to say about that!”

PS

Remember the super cute puppy I was fostering?

I adopted him! Meet my Mr. Miyagi!

I haven’t felt like cooking much lately, especially breakfast but had an awesome, healthy breakfast this AM.

Holy Yum!

I made oatmeal pancakes on the griddle and should have made more.  OMG, so good!  I made scrambled eggs with spinach and cheese and a smoothie with strawberries, orange juice, Chobani greek yogurt, a little spinach and some ice.  Don’t say ewww at the spinach!  You can’t even taste it in the smoothie.  Yes I drank my smoothie in a wine glass!  No I did not have an alcohol with my breakfast.

I am not going to laze around all day.  I have to work later and I love my job so my Sunday is still awesome!  I may try out the Zumba videos my mom gave me and do some cleaning later this afternoon.

It’s just nice to have a slow morning.  The dogs agree!

Bella & Journey

Isn’t Mr. Miyagi the freaking cutest?

OMG!

Yes my life heavily revolves around dogs.  My dogs, my fosters and the doggies I take care of for Paw Joggers, and I love it.  I was miserable working at a law firm and tired all the time from IH.  I made a change and couldn’t be happier.

I started working with dogs over five years ago.  I came home from work and would read dog magazines, research doggy related things and realized I was in the right industry.  I never got bored or burnt out.  I had finally figured out where I was supposed to be.  I have many things I want to do and plan to do.  Right now I am content letting myself recover from the stress of the last few years of my life.

Have a happy Sunday everyone!

Thanks for reading my ramblings!!!

I did not take this lovely picture. Credit goes to Flying Pig photographer Michael Anderson. That’s me on the far left, center of the picture, bright green shirt and navy blue skirt (looks black). Can’t find me? I’m there!

I am still on a bit of a runners high from yesterday!  Have I mentioned that I love running!  Running’s my favorite!

I didn’t sleep well the night before the race but what’s new.  I got home around 9:30, hung out with the dogs for an hour and was in bed by 10:30.  There is a bar that plays loud music on the weekends that is just a few blocks from my house.  Shutting the window didn’t help so I ended up getting up, eating some more carbs and then going back to bed and finally fell asleep after midnight.  My alarm was set for 4:30 but I woke up at 3:30.  I think I drifted in and out of sleep until my alarm went off.  I hit snooze but a second later bounced out of bed afraid I would keep hitting snooze and miss the race.

I had my typical pre-race meal of toast and peanut butter but had to choke it down.  Peanut butter at 5AM, meh!  My mom picked me up at 5:15 and she dropped me off as close to the start line as she could.

I was so excited and loved being surrounded by thousands of runners ready to tackle the same a difficult race.  As I stretched I reflected over the past couple months.  I lost my grandma in the middle of training for this half marathon.  I missed some of my long runs because I wanted to spend as much time with her as I could.

I thought she should be here to watch me do this.  When I decided to train for a marathon, I knew her cancer was getting worse but really thought she would still be here in October to cheer me on in Columbus.  When she was in the hospice I told her I would run that marathon for her.  I thought about her a lot through the half marathon.

I ate a honey stinger waffle thirty minutes before race time.  I am new to fueling for a race so I’m still learning what works for me.  It wasn’t bad as far as race fuel goes.  I made a quick stop at the porto-potty and headed to my corral or “pig-pen”.

I jumped into my corral ten minutes before race time.  The national anthem was sung and the gun went off and it was time to run.  I waited for my corral to be released and I was off.  My legs were cranky right from the start.  I had put a lot of miles on them the week prior to the race and immediately I worried they would be sore the entire race.  I pushed through and of course my first mile was my fastest.  I always start too fast.  I have to learn that in an endurance race I need to save the speed for the end.  I started to relax my pace in mile two but my legs were still sore.

A Ray Charles song came onto my iPod as I was coming across the first bridge.  I put a couple of songs that remind me of my grandma on my “Workin’ on my Fitness” playlist as motivation.  I didn’t cry but did feel the tears want to break through for a second.

I knew my mom would be on the corner of York and 4th to cheer me on so I sent her a text message as I was coming across the Taylor-Southgate bridge to have ibuprofen ready, even though I had taken two when I woke up.  I was letting my leg cramps get to me.  She didn’t have ibuprofen which was probably good because I didn’t need it.  When I passed my mom and saw her awesome sign that said “Jessica You Rock, Go Princess” I was psyched and ready to do what I came to do.  I snagged my moms Vitamin Water and headed down fourth street.  My legs started to loosen up in mile three and then Forrest Gump ran past me.

“He was running!”

I loosened up and started to take in everything around me.  The course support was amazing.  There were people lining the streets everywhere.  Mile three took us through Covington.  Before yesterday I had run a bunch of 5k races and a 7k.  This was my first big race and it was exciting to have so many people cheering for all the runners.

We headed back across the Clay Wade Bailey Bridge around mile three and I thought I should take my first GU Chomp, but I couldn’t get the package open.  I was afraid that might happen.  Sweaty hands weren’t allowing me to open the pack.  Rookie mistake!   I should have opened it before the race.  I put it back in my race belt and took a Strawberry Banana GU.  I know you should never try anything new on race day but I hadn’t worked up the courage to try a GU because I’d heard how gross the consistency is.  I got it down and was headed back to the Ohio side of the race.

Coming up 5th St. in downtown was one of my favorite parts of the race.  It was a wall of people cheering on the runners and it was so motivating and exciting to be a part of.  A barefoot runner ran past me at this point.  I mean really barefoot.  His feet were so dirty.  I don’t know how they do it.  The juggling guy ran past me too.  He ran the 5k the day before juggling three red balls and there he was running again, juggling again.  Show off!

I alternated between taking Gatorade and water from the fluid stations.  I think this worked great.  I felt pretty well hydrated through the whole race.

I had a pretty steady pace running up 5th St.  We headed out of downtown and up Gilbert.  This is where I slowed down a bit.  I feel I ran a smart race.  I ran a little slower than I thought I would but I felt great the whole time and didn’t want to push myself so hard that I wouldn’t be able to enjoy the race and take it all in.

Gilbert was a little rough but not unbearable.  I stopped to walk for a couple of minutes and grabbed some peanuts that some kids were handing out.  Again, the crowd support was AMAZING!

We turned on to Eden Park Dr. and I told myself the hills here aren’t that bad and I pushed it up the hill.  I turned the volume on my iPod up and conquered that first hill heading into Eden Park.  I didn’t quite yell “I LOVE HILLS” like I said I would, but I enjoyed pushing myself up the first hill and around the bend where I hit the halfway point.  I got a little emotional knowing my mom was getting a text message telling her I was halfway there.

I got a text from her at some point that just said “Go Jessi” but it meant so much to me.  We’ve been through a lot lately and she truly is one of my best friends.

I kept pushing myself up the hill, walking a little but not for long.  I loved getting to the top and running past the overlook.  The view is amazing and as challenging as the course was I felt awesome.  We headed out of Eden Park and started to separate from the marathoners at mile nine to head back to the finish.  I grabbed an orange slice from a guy on the corner of MLK and Eastern and started to pick up my pace to head down the hill.

I was so overcome with emotion through the race.  I never cried like I thought I would but it was a great first half marathon.  There weren’t a lot of spectators on Eastern but I appreciated the ones that were there.  A local football team was there handing out water and shouting encouraging words.

I was so excited to get back into downtown.  I was almost to the finish.  I was tired but happy.  I sent my mom a text message when I had a little over a mile left and she told me she was jut past mile 13.  I picked up my pace a little as I headed down Eggleston and couldn’t believe I was about to finish my first half marathon.  It was over so fast.  My official time was a little slower than I thought, 3:06:46, but at the end it seemed like it flew by.

I rounded the corner and turned onto Pete Rose Way and could see the finish line.  There were so many people and I knew my mom was just ahead.  I saw her just past the 13 mile marker with a new sign that said “Princess Jessica, Your Crown Awaits You at the Finish!”

My mom is aware that she spelled finish wrong. She made the signs at 2AM the morning of the race and had to be up at 4:30 to pick me up. I loved them!

The signs were great!  I told her they had to be pink and covered in glitter.  Yes I’m thirty going on sixteen!  I loved my tiara and wore it proudly all morning as I watched the marathoners come in.

Just past my mom was the finish line.  I thought I would cry.  I kept thinking to myself throughout the race that I was going to cry at the finish.  I think I was too prepared for the crying so it didn’t happen.  I did cross the finish line with a huge grin on my face and gave a hi-five to the flying piggy standing at the finish line.

That’s me in green giving the piggy a high-five!

There may not have been any tears but I was on a serious runners high and am ready to run another half marathon and am so ready to train for the Columbus marathon.

Running wasn’t always easy for me.  I know it’s not always easy for anyone.  I grew up an athlete but wasn’t a fan of running.  I played softball, basketball, volleyball and was a cheerleader.  I took dance classes for many years.  I was definitely always active but never a fan of running.  Running was sometimes a punishment for goofing off during basketball practice.

I wasn’t a slim and trim athlete.  I had to lift weights for volleyball.  I wasn’t the cheerleader that got thrown around.  I was the cheerleader that helped do the lifting and throwing.  I was healthy but muscular.

After high school that muscle turned to flab, I got diagnosed with Intracranial Hypertension and spent a few years too tired to do much more than work.  I gained weight and at my largest was 193 and my doctors were pushing me to lose weight but my medication made me extremely sleepy.  Sometimes headaches would keep me in bed for days.  I had a neurologist ask me if I could walk when I wasn’t losing weight fast enough for him.  I never went back to see him by the way.

Yes I can walk sir!  As a matter of fact I can run, fast, and I do it all the time!

I didn’t do this race for doctors with bad manners.  I ran this race for me and for my grandma.

People often say to me they wish they could run.  You can.  Try it.  You might love it.  It might become addicting.  I’m hooked on racing, hopefully for as long as my body will let me.

After I crossed the finish line I grabbed my medal and some food and spent the rest of the morning cheering on the marathoners and watching  my boss cross the finish line of her 14th Flying Pig Marathon!

Thank you so much for all of the encouraging words.  It means a lot to me.  Thanks Lori for coming down to see me cross the finish line.  Thanks to those that cheered me on during the race.  Sorry I didn’t hear everyone but I appreciate it.  I was blasting my iPod.  Thanks boss for being such an awesome and peppy person!  Your enthusiasm for running is contagious!  Of course, thanks again mom for being my biggest cheerleader!  You always have been!

I’M A HALF MARATHONER!!!

One of my favorite things about running a lot is all of the food I get to consume to fuel my body. Hello carbohydrates!

Friday I carb loaded at Pompillio’s with my mom. Always delicious!

Ummm…carbs!

…and holy cannoli!

AH-MA-ZING! I love a cannoli!

Saturday I ran the Flying Pig 5k with friends. My friend Lori ran her first 5k and I am so proud of her!

Go team Dog lbs! Woot woot! (I stole this picture from my boss. Thanks Billie!)

My boss Billie was there cheering us on, sprinting from mile markers to water stops. I think she ran just as much as we did, and she had to run 26.2 miles the next day. Thanks boss!

Smiles at the finish line!

It’s so much fun to watch people run their first race.

Saturday night there was more carb loading!

Much more carb loading!

You can’t forget dessert! I made s’mores cupcakes for a friends party and holy yum! I bought a gluten-free cake mix and used apple sauce instead of eggs to make them vegan. Five minutes before they were done I put a marshmallow on top and popped them back into the oven. When done I smashed the marshmallows down and added a graham cracker. Delicious!

Todays half marathon experience was amazing and deserves a post of its own. Thanks for all of the words of encouragement, congratulations and good vibes. It’s very much appreciated.

And mom, thanks for the two awesome signs, the tiara and for walking all over Northern Kentucky and Cincinnati to cheer me on yesterday and today. I love you and I am blessed to have such an amazing mom!

Oink

It’s race week and the Flying Pig half marathon is three days away.  Yikes!  I’m running both the 5k and half marathon this weekend.  Woot woot!  Put me in coach!  I’m ready to play!

I’m a little nervous about the half because it’s my first half marathon.  When it’s over that means the real fun starts.  Marathon training!  Eeeeeek!

I missed a few long runs through February and March because I wanted to be by my grandma’s side and spend as much time with my family as I could.  The past two months I have been putting in the miles and I will give this race everything I have.  I’ll leave it all out on the field…court, I mean leave it all out on the road.

I will run when I want to stop.  I will push when I want to slow down.  I will yell “I love hills” when I make it to Mt. Adams!  I don’t have a time goal but I do want to give it everything I have.

I’m ready, I hope!  I mean yes, I am freaking ready!

Wish me luck!

“That’s all I have to say about that!”

Here is Journey shortly after having his first hip surgery, still terrified of me.

Here is Journey today. He's always in my face!

You get a dog who is so exuberantly happy about life.  The day I met him in the shelter I never pictured him bouncing off the walls with excitement, chasing my crew in circles in the back yard, or wrestling and snuggling with foster puppies.  I knew I could break through to him with time, but I never imagined the amount of love he would give back.  He’s sitting next to me as I type this, one paw resting on my leg, his pointy ear resting on my arm.  Those that know him love his wonky, lop sided ears.  He’s got a pointy one and a floppy one.

I was petting his belly a couple of weeks ago and felt the bullets in his stomach for the first time.  I felt three and they just roll around under his skin.  He just sat there and looked at me as I touched them.  I wondered what he was thinking.  Does the remember the pain they inflicted?

He will never fully escape all of his fears.  He has moments that are very scary.  He had one recently that broke my heart.  He’s quite the messy boy, a typical boy dog.  I had to give him a bath and he panicked.  He was shaking in fear.  Shortly after he was back to his happy self but after his bath I had to call my mom and cry.  I love him and will weather any storm with him but it can be exhausting on days where he reverts back to the scared Journey.  The look of fear in his eyes is heartbreaking.  I am glad I see it rarely now.  I have his love and trust and I feel that is an accomplishment.

I love the dogs that need to be rehabilitated.  Puppies are cute and fun to foster, but my heart is with dogs like Journey and his friend Tristan.  It would be hard for me to take another like Journey with the large pack I have.  It takes a lot of time, energy…

It’s absolutely worth it and I will save another soul like Journey again some day.  My female dogs are typical doggies.  My boys are velcro dogs.  They have their issues and they love their mom.

Here's my other special boy, Valentino!

Val is never more than a few feet away from me. If Journey and the puggie weren't sitting next to me right now, Val would be in their spot.

Journey has some bad habits we’re working on, but at least we can work on them.  I use to call him a lumpy.  Not because he is lumpy, but because he didn’t move much.  Now he doesn’t sit still. He SCREAMS with excitement when I wake up in the morning, when I come home and when I get out of the shower.  I think he likes me!

My mom stopped by on Monday and Journey came running over to her.  She couldn’t believe it.  She is the only other person he really trusts but he was slow to give that trust.  My mom is always around my dogs.  She hangs out with them when I do overnight pet sitting.  She stops by to visit and my dogs sometimes act more excited to see her than they do me.  I am so glad that Journey finally opened up completely to her.  He let her pet him without shying away.

These things may sound minor to someone unfamiliar with his story but they are HUGE accomplishments for him.

Journey says hi! He approves of this blog post!

I am STARVING (or so it feels) all the time. Because of the brain pain (IH), some nights I don’t sleep well. At least two or three times a week if I’m awake laying in bed around midnight I get an uncontrollable urge to eat. I’ll usually just eat a piece of cinnamon bread with either peanut butter or Nutella (ok, sometimes both). Then I’ll crawl back into bed and drift off to sleep.  Please tell me this isn’t too crazy for someone training for a marathon. Other marathoner runners do this right?

So far this week I’ve run 29.6 miles with more miles planned for tomorrow and Sunday. I love it! I am addicted to running! Running’s my favorite!

Ava on the other hand is bored with my obsession with running blogs and running magazines.

Running lots of miles makes you hungry.  I am a crazy person when I’m really hungry!  Don’t judge me!

Lay of me, I’m starving!