It’s been awhile blog world. It’s been quite the year. I’m running a pet sitting business, finished an amazing program with Bad Girl Ventures, missed my grandma, broke my wrist, fostered some dogs and the list goes on.
At the end of this year, 2013, I’m feeling something. I’m feeling sadness for the miscarriage I had five years ago today. I was seven weeks pregnant. The first anniversary of this day was hard, the last three years passed and I was not emotional, but this year I’m sad. It’s been on my mind since last week. I’m sad, not depressed, just deeply sad. I wonder what my life would be like with a four year old, how it would be different. Boy or girl? What would he or she look like?
Miscarriage isn’t often talked about. Those who have one don’t talk about it much. I know I didn’t want to burden people with my sadness but it was a deep, gut wrenching loss. I wasn’t even sure if I wanted kids, but the loss of a life you were carrying is immensely painful. Nothing anyone says can make it better. I didn’t want to seem needy, so I didn’t talk about it much. I’m not needy, but extremely independent. Even strong people get weak. Strong people need help.
For the past five years I’ve thought I should do something to remember the child I lost. I knew I wanted to get a tattoo. It took me five years to be ready or figure out what I wanted.
Thanks Tyler at Beelistic Tattoo for the awesome symbol of my loss.
I still felt I wanted to do more. I thought about being cheesy and releasing balloons but I’m not cheesy and those balloons just become litter and really don’t represent what I went through.
So this happened…
As if I have time to start a non profit. I’ve been thinking about it for awhile. I’m not sure I’m ready or if I have the time but wanted to get the ball rolling. If not now, when? I wanted to talk but didn’t know who to talk to. I know other women have to feel the same way. I ordered business cards. I want to at least get my email address out there so if woman need to talk, they can reach out. I’m not a therapist, but I’m someone who has been there.
It feels odd to put such personal information out there, but in a way it’s healing. What do you think? I’m crazy and sometimes entirely too driven but that’s me.
Here’s to 2013 and bring on 2014! Happy New Year!